Sleeping fairy

There is a me you would not recognize

call it the shadow of myself...

(no subject)
Sleeping fairy

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And what would it mean to say, that I loved you in my fashion
when you're only wet
Last night was a real eye-opener. It's too premature to go into details, but I was up until 4am talking to my cousin about things. She's been a rock for me the past few weeks. She's been where I am, and she cares enough to tell me the truth. That said, I think my life completely took a turn-around last night. I'm okay with that. I'll get through it. It will be hard at first, but I can't keep sitting in this skin any longer.

Anyway, the majority of last night was good. I met my my cousin, her boyfriend, my friend Amanda, and her fiance at the Ram. I haven't seen Amanda in three years. We used to go out a lot, and then she moved and I met Dave and things just faded. But she found a really good guy and I'm happy for her. I'm going to her bachelorette party next month, and if I can come up with the money I might go to her wedding in Napa Valley in May. I'm supposed to visit Carrie in May as well, but I don't know where those plans stand. I guess it depends on my job/money situation. But we'll see. (Okay, so I'm scared to fly alone.. Maybe I'll be over it by then.)

Tonight, my cousin is coming back over and we're supposed to go out. Ryan said he'd be in town tonight so I'm going to invite him, too. Seems I always find myself needing him when my life takes a turn. I guess that's what good friends are for.. to erase everything you don't want to see.

(no subject)
"I gotta hand it to you kid.. most people come to Paris to fall in love. You came to get slapped."

Ah Sex and the City. You do it to me every time.

Here I am crying because it's just so damn sappy and sad, just like life right now.

Things will get better, I'm sure. I just need changes. It's time to get off my ass and make them already, because I'm realizing I'm the only one that can.

Music survey! Snagged from Hillary
Sleeping fairy
Open ITunes or Windows Media Player to answer the following. Go to your library. Answer, no matter how embarrassing it is.

How many songs?: 1,481

Sort by song title:
First Song: ...And Nothing Less - Appleseed Cast
Last Song: You've Got a Way - Shania Twain

Sort by time:
Shortest Song: K I'm not finding where to do this on Windows Media Player
Longest Song:

Sort by album:
First Album: Sigur Ros - ( )
Last Album: Y Kant Tori Read

Last Five Played Songs:
Tori Amos - Juarez
Ben Folds Five - Song For the Dumped
Counting Crows - Miami
Studio 54 - If You Could Read My Mind
Counting Crows - Holiday in Spain

Top Five Most Played Songs:
Counting Crows - Colorblind
Tori Amos - Doughnut Song
Coldplay - Warning Sign
Ani Difranco - Anyday
Tori Amos - Sleeps With Butterflies

First song that comes up on Shuffle: Melissa Etheridge - Like the Way I Do

How many songs come up when you search for "sex"?: 4

How many songs come up when you search for "death"?: 0

How many songs come up when you search for "love"?: 43

How many songs come up when you search for "you"?: 132

(no subject)
Sleeping fairy
I don't usually do these, but I love Lost!Collapse )

The "five quirks meme" going around
bw phone
1. I have to wish on the clock when all the numbers are the same. I always make one wish, but the one that counts is the next thing that pops in my head that very second. And if I look back at the clock and it hasn't changed, I have to look at it again before it changes, or else my wish won't come true.

2. I play "fate games" daily. I work with personal checks a lot, so I say to myself, "The last check in the batch will determine my future, wedding day, etc etc" and if the name or picture reflects something close to real life, I gasp.. even though I do this on a daily basis. (Oddly enough though, the other day a check had the exact name of someone I knew.)

3. I can't sleep unless I have a full glass of water on my nightstand.

4. Every day before I leave for work, or leave work to go home, I check the mileage to determine exactly what it will read when I get to my destination.

5. I sing when I'm nervous. Usually it's just in the car when I'm lost or going somewhere I don't want to go, but I've found I do it the presence of other people as well.

(no subject)
Oh Chicago, you really suck sometimes. It took me an hour an a half to drive eight miles tonight. And it's still snowing. Any other state would get a snow day, I tell you.

And apparently a plane skidded off a runway at Midway earlier... into a BUSY street. I can't even imagine. I mean, coming face to face with an airplane, while in your car? My total nightmare.. seriously. I have nightmares about all airplane-related things. As far as I know, nobody was hurt though, thank goodness.

I took my Physical Geography final tonight. It sucked horribly. I really don't think I passed. I always think this after a final, but I really don't think I even pulled a "C". The essays were horrible. I don't know why Lake Michigan is Lake Michigan and to tell you the truth, I didn't know Chicago once was part of an ice age, nor did I know why. I hated that damn class. I'm just glad to be done.

While I'm at it, I get to work Saturday, yay! Does anyone else in my department have to work Saturday? Nope! Can you tell I'm excited??

Alright, enough of this. I need some good sleep, and then a good Friday, to start off my half-assed weekend. Despite all this, I'm in okay spirits.. because, to quote Tori, "I'm okay when everything's not okay."

Night, all.

(no subject)
Sleeping fairy
I don't remember what drove me to do this an hour ago, but I just went back and read over fourteen pages of notes that Jenny left me on my old diary. I went back and read emails. I went back and read comments others left after she died.

I can't believe she's been gone almost five years.

And I'm sorry to those that knew her, to dredge up old memories. I have put all this behind me for awhile now, but I missed her tonight. And I cried and cried. I'm feeling too much tonight.

It'd odd the songs that came on... so many that I would have never known if it weren't for her.

I need to go to bed. I am not in good form tonight, not at all.

I know where the car is parked...
Sleeping fairy
Forgive me.. it's just a breakdown. It's that time of year, after all. You don't see the tears. You only hear the anger. And they'll never know they're being used until I've washed them off my hands. These tears bleed like sins, but you'll never know.

I call it love. I breathe out excuses for him. I waitwaitwait because it's been this long. Unanswered calls are not in the movie scenes. And keeping my grace isn't even my character. Maybe this isn't real if I can't touch it anymore.

I stay home alone because I'm lonely. The wrong people call but I can't think of one that is right. Oh pity party, entertain me.

(I'm going to break your heart, as soon as he breaks mine.)

(no subject)
bw phone
To all my Chicago (non-Cubs) fans ;).... Go White Sox!!!

I've managed to watch every game so far, but leave it to me to fall asleep at 9:00 last night. Oh well... I'm still happy.


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